Ikväll känns det som jag spricker lite. Det känns som jag skulle vilja förmedla så mycket men orden är en röra av känslor som inte riktigt hittar vägen ut.
Jag är så trött på mig själv. På mitt jädra klagande hit och dit hela tiden. Främst på mig själv. Ni vet, jag väger sju kilo för mycket. Jag är inte tillräckligt duktig på att röra på mig. Jag äter inte tillräckligt bra etc. Och om jag bara tog tag i dessa saker så vore jag så mycket bättre och värd så mycket mera. Men alltså, hallå jag är snart fyrtiosju år gammal och vet bättre.
Om jag nu finner anledning att irritera mig på dessa bagateller i mitt liv, så gör nåt åt det då! Valet är mitt. Jag är frisk och kan välja! Och när jag nu hellre väljer att måla en vägg i nåt märkligt mönster för jag aldrig har gjort det förr istället för att dammsuga. Så gör det INGENTING! Fast ändå går jag runt och tänker på att "ja, men jag borde verkligen ha tagit en promenad istället för att måla."
Men varför då? Jag mår ju så himla bra inuti när jag får pyssla med mina konstiga infall. Är inte det precis lika mycket värt?!
Jag vet inte om ni känner igen nåt av det här. Men jag är i varje fall alldeles för bra på att straffa mig själv i tanken. Och jag vill sluta med det. Så länge jag har knoppen någorlunda klar och kroppen följer med den, så har jag den möjligheten. För jag har det så förbaskat bra och tänker endast känna tacksamhet för det.
Största delen av kvällens tankar är tack vare ett möte jag hade idag på jobbet. Jag träffade lilla Ellas morföräldrar. Lilla Ella som bara är 4 år, men har genomgått 36 cellgifsbehandlingar sen i april förra året då hon fick diagnosen Wilms tumör ( njurcancer ). Hon har även opererat bort ena njuren tillsammans med en stor tumör.
Vilken liten kämpe alltså! En av alldeles för många små barn som drabbas, dagligen.
Jag blev så oerhört berörd och ledsen. men samtidigt väcktes den vackra känslan av tacksamhet för allt och allt.
Så mina vänner. Gå inte runt och straffa er själva inuti, utan njut av det ni gör i stunden. Orkar ni inte ta en promenad utan hellre vill ta en tupplur, så bara GÖR det! Så länge ni har valet.
Jag är tveksam att Ellas mamma alltid har det valet. Jag tor inte heller att dammsugningen ger henne dåligt samvete. För när den man älskar mest är sjuk, är det nog så oviktigt i det stora hela.
Jamm, nu fick jag skriva av mig lite, fast det säkert är rörigt. Men det gör inget. Jag mår en aningen bättre och känner mig en aningen närmare mitt mål att vara en bättre människa. Även mot mig själv.
Om ni vill veta mera om lilla Ella och bidra till Barncancerfonden så kika gärna in här eller här.
För alla våra bidrag räknas och vi kan hjälpa. Alla kan vi hjälpa.
det var denna jag pysslade med häromdagen då samvetskvalet gnagare i mig.
Skulle egentligen ha dammsugit,
men blev så sugen på att testa att schablonmåla med spets och brödkavel.
Det var riktigt kul :)
och den ska få vara där tills jag orkar måla väggen vit.
När det blir vet jag inte, kanske nästa gång jag väljer bort dammsugaren eller
när fönstren verkligen borde putsas...
Stor varm kram mina finaste och tack för att ni lämnar mig era vackra ord.
Jag är så glad att vara tillbaka och få känna SÅÅÅÅ mycket jag har saknat er.
TACK.
Puss & Kram i kvällen
Goa
77 kommentarer:
Det är viktigare att leve livet nu, i morgon kan det vara för sent :-)
Jag håller verkligen med dig att det är viktigt att fånga dagen, utan att behöva känna dåligt samvete mot sig själv eller andra.
Ha de gott. Kram, Catarina
Hej !
Vet du vad det första är som jag tänker på när jag läser ditt inlägg ? Du säger att du väger 7 kg för mycket. För mycket för vad ?? Jag tror att du är perfekt som du är och du har en underbar själ.
Det är viktigt att kunna vara glad och inte bara straffa sig själv. Jag vet hur det är.
Stor kram
Anci
Jag möter ibland också barn som drabbats via jobbet, och slås av hur starka dom är. Det var ett bra inlägg, man tänker för mycket på det där man inte riktigt har nått. Och väggen! Den ska du inte måla, fantastisk.
Från en som väger 7 kg för mycket (jag) till en annan som också tror hon gör det.
Kramar/AM
Den där väggmålningen gör mig mållös, galet snygg och jag vill ha den direkt! Du skulle gjort en youtube-film samtidigt så man kan se hur i hela friden du lyckades med konstverket... Vill ha!!!
Skönt att du är tillbaka i bloggvärlden, jag har saknat dig!
Yes really words of wisdom...
Glad you blog again!
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so glad to see you in blogland ...I have missed you ! and yes I agree listen to your body and do what makes you happy whenever possible !! hugs and kisses to you ! Gail x
haha ang förra inlägget så var det jag som är 50 ++ ;)du och Izabella Scorupco behöver inte ändra något i vikt eller face ;)
kärlek till dej vännen som skriver så klokt och tänkvärt..
och tusan vilket konstverk du har skapat...har sagt det förr och säger det igen - du är född med en unik gåva..lekfullhet och spänning i dina verk:)
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Finaste Gua!
Vilken underbar vägg säger jag bara!!!! Du är fantastisk!
Och dom där sju kilona... Vill dom stanna hos dig så får du klappa om dom och berätta för dom att du är nöjd och glad och precis lika vacker som vanligt!
Kramen!
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Så glad att du är tillbaka!
Du är en konstnär och stor inspirationskälla för många. Visst behöver man städa emellanåt , men dina talanger står över städning....!!!!
Mvh ett stort fan
Åh, vad glad jag är att få läsa dina ord igen. Har ju följt dej länge här och även mött dej i verkligheten en gång, ett starkt möte. Fortsätt vara DU, med extra volanger eller inte. JAG tror på dej och vill att du gör det samma. Kram du fina/ Ewa
Åh så glad jag är att se dej igen :-)
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شركة درع الثقة لخدمات التنظيف والتعقيم
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شركة الثقة لخدمات التنظيف والتعقيم تنظيف منازل فلل شقق موكيت كنب سجاد
شركة الندي لخدمات تنظيف منازل وتنظيف فلل وتنظيف كنب وسجاد وستائر
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افضل شركة تعقيم بالرياض
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